you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
