hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
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Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
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You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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