god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
