What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
