yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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