it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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