Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
