so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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