Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
