Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
