I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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