Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
