what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
This beer is not sobering me up at all
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
