I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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