i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
