Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
