Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
