I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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