His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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