Porn is love you can see.
I just pynch a tree in the face
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
