my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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