I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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