My hand turned me down
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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