he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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