The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
