I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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