i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
