She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
