So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
