You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
