I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
not ubering you a puppy
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
