wanna go halves on a baby?
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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