I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
