He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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