i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
My apartment stinks of burning failure
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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