So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He shit in the fireplace
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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