I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
