Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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