I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
