i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
