i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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