Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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