just survived the first fart of the relationship.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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