I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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