yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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