Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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