how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
