when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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