i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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