Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
