I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
