I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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