She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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