Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
