from now on my penis is your penis
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
