'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
