Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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