But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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