Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I could fuck to npr.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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