There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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