??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
