am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
