Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
