somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
