So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
