She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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