The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
