Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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