I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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